Sandra Jean Anderson, RIP March 29th, 2001

This is a letter I wrote to my mother on the 10 year anaversary of her death.

Mom,

Wow, it’s been 10 years? Ten years since I gave you a hug, since I smelled your perfume, since you kissed me on the cheek and said “I love you, Rugrat.” Ten years. And a lot has happened. I’ve been at rock bottom so many times, I don’t even know if can see the light. But I’m getting there. I’m getting there because I know that’s what you would want.

I’m living with Aunt Diane now, and she has been amazing to me. I love her so much, I don’t know if I could be where I am today without her. she is amazing. I’m finding out things from her that I don’t remember from that first year you were gone. She’s been there for me though it all. And I should have just come to her sooner. But I’m just like you, mom. Thickheaded, thinking I can to this on my own. But she’s given me the kick I need, and now I’m going to be starting college soon. Can you believe it mom? College.

I’ll be doing what I’ve always loved: helping people. I can remember many times when we took road trips in your vehicle, rescuing people from ditches and providing food and transportation to the nearest gas station so that they could give loved ones a call. And I would be right beside you, even though some of the people were kind of creepy. But your heart was always too big to let anyone stay out in the could.

I miss you mom. I miss you so much I weep sometimes. But I know you’re still there, watching over me, giving me those little nudges in the right direction, making me feel better when I need it. I can feel you around me; sometimes even see you in my dreams. It makes me feel better, but its not the same. Even now you are still a big part of my life. I think of you often, and always wonder if you would approve.

Looking back on some of the things I’ve done, I know you wouldn’t have approved. But again, you know me. I’ll offer help before I can ask for it. I’m learning, though.

The man I’m with right now is amazing. A real teddy bear. His name is tom, he’s 23, and he spoils me rotten. He already owns his own house! I’m really beginning to fall in love with him. I’m not going to say that he’s ‘the one’ yet, but he could be.

Well, is suppose, back to work I go. I miss you, and I love you with all my heart.

Love your Daughter,

Nikki